Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart; Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art. Thou my best Thought, by day or by night, Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light. Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word; I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord; Thou my [...]

Friend: My wife just got a ticket for speeding Ah Beng: That’s nothing! My wife is so bad the traffic police decided to give her a season ticket.

Day by day, and with each passing moment, Strength I find to meet my trials here; Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment, I’ve no cause for worry or for fear. He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure, Gives unto each day what He deems best, Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure, Mingling toil [...]

This sign was spotted next to the pastor’s parking lot. “YOU PARK, YOU PREACH”

CHURCH SIGN BOARDS:  “No God – No Peace”  “Know God – Know Peace.”

To prevent people from parking illegally the pastor decided to put up this sign: CHURCH CAR PARK – FOR MEMBERS ONLY  Trespassers will be baptized!”

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then he comes to column on “Salary Expected”, but he is not sure of the question. After much thought, he writes ” Yes “

Ah Beng went to a shop to buy a colour TV. Ah Beng : “Do you have color TV ?” Salesgirl : “Yes !” Ah Beng : “Give me a green one, please “

The commanding officer of an army camp sent a soldier to see the medical officer hoping that he can be cured of his gambling addiction. Medical Officer: I heard you are a good gambler. What kind of things do you bet on? Soldier: I bet on anything. If you want I can bet $100 that [...]

Ah Beng was arrested by the police for burglary. Police: What did you steal from the victim’s house? Ah Beng: Nothing. Police: How come you did not steal anything? Ah Beng: Both my hands were occupied. The alarm was too loud and I had to use my hands to cover both ears.