A Tribute To My Mother (Mdm. Teo Ah Nee 1932- 21/6/2010)

I received a call from the Alexandra Hospital at 11.50pm on 20/6/2010. I was told that mother’s condition was turning for very worst and the ICU doctor wanted to ventilate her artificially with a machine. I took this as a cue to arrange for her discharge to fulfill her wish to die at home. By 1.30am I was already in the ambulance racing against time to fetch her home.

My dad, siblings and their children appeared relieved to see my mother being brought home at 2am. Mother has lapsed into unconsciousness by the time we laid her on her bed. Everyone took their turn to greet her while I clasped her hands gently and held the oxygen mask over her face.

Scenes of my childhood and memories of what mother has done for all of us flashed through my mind like a movie. I kept humming the Chinese song ‘世上只有妈妈好(Mother is the best in this world) to help me cope with the profound sadness that was beginning to take its hold over me.

The clock was ticking and I knew my beloved mother was leaving us soon. I was glad that she heard my final declarations of love for her, which I made when I arrived at the hospital. She was still conscious even though she was gasping for breath before we left the hospital.

My mother suffered much during her recent sickness. She had not eaten a single meal for over 2 months since her admission for cancer of the pancreas. This was barely 8 months after her earlier operation to remove her colon cancer last year. She survived 14 grueling hours of surgery to remove the cancer of the pancreas and other major organs but the complication from fungus infection was too formidable to overcome.

At 3am, we were all tired. I gave my mother the first and last kiss on her forehead before leaving. Fifteen minutes later my wife who stayed behind called. “Mother has taken her last breath”, she said. I returned an hour later with my son to sign the death certificate…of my own mother!

As I saw her motionless and lifeless body, I couldn’t help but confront the reality that life is so brief. It is indeed like a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Where do people go when they leave this world?

Mother married dad at the age of 20 and became a part of our extended family. We used to live in a large kampong house with our grandparents, several uncles, aunties and my cousins. Being the eldest daughter in law, mother had to take care of many household chores as well as the farm near our compound.

I was told she also had to take care of dad’s younger siblings on top of bringing up her own children. She was a good daughter in law. Because of her diligence in taking care of my diabetic grandfather, he did not need to have his leg amputated. I recall quite vividly how she would remember and take pains to clean and dress the foul smelling wounds for my grandfather every day until he passed away.

I recall how she lovingly applied coffee powder on a laceration on my forehead after an injury in the belief that it would stop the bleeding before carrying me by feet to the nearest clinic some 2km away from home. I remember how she walked with me to school to buy textbooks for me. I recall how she chided me whenever I was late to help her with the laundry. These bitter sweet moments constantly flash through my mind.

I cannot forget how I made a vow not to eat durians after being caned for my mischievous behavior relating to durians when I was just 10 years old. As a result of the vow, I refrained from eating durians for over 30 years.

I am also glad my mother did not spare the rod and spoil us when we were young. Dad said my brothers and sister grow up to become ‘good people’ because of my mother’s firm hand.

Mother knew about the hardship of poverty and did not want us to go through the same so she saved every cent, even the money we gave her- she kept in fixed deposits for us.

My mother led a simple life. She was a fighter who made many sacrifices and went through many hardships. Her desire was for her children and all my dad’s younger siblings to have a comfortable and successful life through her labor of love.

We owe so much to my mother, without whom, we will not be here today. Thank you, mother for your love and sacrifices for all of us.

(Written by Low Lee Yong as a tribute to his mother, Mdm. Teo Ah Nee on 16 July 2010)